It should be noted that the price of these jeans would roughly cover my entire fashion budget for say, six months. But I figured if they fit, I'd be willing to eat Ramen and forego my wine allowance for a few months. But only if they looked really damn good. We are talking wine here, ya know.
Well, Lord have mercy. It truly is a religious experience to put on this denim. I pulled on my first pair, and to quote Pat Green, the clouds broke and the angels sang. I couldn't stop staring at the mirror. How did I get mile-long legs? And a perfectly round, uplifted ass?! Had God finally answered all my prayers for smaller thighs? Well, not exactly. When I took the jeans off, the cellulite was still staring back at me, jiggling in all its glory. Which is why I decided I WILL NEVER TAKE THESE JEANS OFF. Say hallelujah, my children! I'm a believer and I'm here to witness to the masses. I've seen the proof that there is a God. And believe me, he's wearing these jeans.