Gettin' By

Road Trip.

This past weekend we loaded the whole family in the car and took a little drive to the mountains to visit some VIP mamas in our life.

(Despite her insistance that she should ride in back to read to Shinerbock, Riely was later relocated to her booster seat.)

We stopped up in Grand Lake to see Grandma D:

Nothing like a little post-dinner hula dance!

Then we made a stop at Nana's and tortured the kids by making them take photos in bright, bright sunlight.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH.....My retinas are burning!"

And then Mike caught my reaction on camera to the news that there would be no wine involved our Mother's Day celebration:

Just kidding!

Hope your weekend (and Mother's Day!) was equally delightful!

Weekend Summary: No Pants. No Margaritas.

And if that blog title doesn't increase hits, I just don't know what will.

Our weekend wasn't lacking in the celebration department. With three birthday parties, two family gatherings, two BBQs, National Scrapbook Day, and of course, Cinco de Mayo, how could it be? Sadly, none of these events involved margaritas.  

(Those of you that know me well are saying WHA?!?!?  I know, I know. As your Queen of Gratuitous Imbibement, I've let you down)

But it did involve wishing a very cute pantless nephew happy birthday:

Apparently when you're three, it's totally your perogative to celebrate the big day by refusing to don pants. And scowl at your Aunt Pete for taking photographic proof.

But a birthday cake and crazy relatives singing off-key can always improve your mood:

And just so you know, tonight (after our last volleyball game of the season) I'll be heading out for margaritas with the girls. I've got a reputation to uphold, after all.

They call this one The Flirt.

Last Saturday, Riely went to a friend's birthday party where one of the party favors included a variety of self-adhesive mustaches. Who knew that a sticky little piece of faux fur would lead to hours of posing fun? The particular style she's modeling here is named The Flirt. On a grown man, I think this flesh toned, pencil-thin version just might be a tad bit creepy, but I have to admit it is pretty darn cute on this sweet little face:

This may be the only time in her life that a fuzzy upper lip doesn't send her running to the depilatory aisle at Walgreens. Enjoy the moment, little girl!

Hope your Tuesday is is filled with funny flirtations! (And hey - HAPPY MAY!)

Sure Signs of Spring.

It's not the buds on trees or blooming flowers that signal the arrival of spring (at least not for a few more weeks here in Colorado!) But there are a few tell-tale signs that warmer weather is just around around the corner.

First, you should listen for the husband threatening to severely reduce his wife's wine budget unless she gets her side of the closet organized (a task she's only been putting off, for, um, about four years now?) And then you might hear the wind stir and rise as she furiously flings clothing from the rods, and fills a disturbing amount of garbage bags with the discarded attire in a feat Stacy London and Clinton Kelly would applaud:

Yup, the closets has been purged of everything outgrown, outdated and out-of-style (and good gosh, there was plenty of each!) and awaits pick up from the local charity.

Of course, there are a few bags of the good schtuff awaiting a trip to the consignment store. Because apparently (for future reference) mama needs to stash away some cash in an Emergency Wine Fund.

Spring styles have been moved to the front of the closet and if you look closely, you'll see there's actually empty hangers in there. Up until now, they have been an endangered (if not extinct!) species in my closet.

At the risk of affirming I might have a slight a addiction to cardis, my beloved sweaters are now organized by color family and actually have some room to breathe on their shelves. And while hubby might call it an addiction I prefer to say instead that I am simply prepared for chilly Colorado's spring weather.

I've even discovered the elusive "space-between-hangers" concept, which should help reduce future encounters with the dreaded Ironing Board of Doom. Can I get an AMEN?!

So yep, I'm in all-out, full-force spring cleaning mode. And while cleaning doesn't usually induce feelings of happiness and euphoria in this houseworkaphobe, I am feeling pretty dang upbeat about having a closet that looks a lot less like a black hole it used to be. Next up? The scrapbook room. Oh lordy. Look for more on that Thursday.

Also making me happy? My scrappy creations with this month's JBS Mercantile kit. The contents definitely got my creative mojo flowing. One of my favorite pages was this one, using Jenni's new perforated stamp paper (which is now available at Two Peas!)  I misted the stamps with Brown Sugar and Weathervane inks before decorating each one with little bits from the kit:

S U P P L I E S :

And with that, I'm back to the Big Spring Clean. Motivated, of course, by the rather large glass of wine that awaits me at the end of the day, thanks to the now-secured wine budget funds. Cheers!

Did someone say chocolate?

It's Valentine's Day, which isn't a holiday I typically get too gung-ho about. Oh sure, it's the day I perform my annual karaoke rendition of You've Lost That Loving Feeling, much to my family's chagrin and embarrasment, but beyond that, we don't do much in the way of celebrating. But lately I've been hearing rumors that Valentine's Day may include chocolate?  And wine?  (Yeah, and something about love, but hey - you had me at chocolate.)

So this year, I'm doing my best to get into the spirit. I've spruced up our decor with some loving sentiments:

Assembled some flowery Valentine's with Riely for her classmates:

Designed a humorous Valentine for Hayden (thanks to Daddy for the bowtie, suspenders, and nerdy eyewear necessary for the photoshoot!)

Purchased treats for the teachers of the above-referenced children (because, goodness knows, if anyone deserves chocolate today - it's the teachers!)

I also prepared today's sack lunches with a bit of Valentine's flair:

 

 and wrapped up some sugary treats for the kiddos:

Of course, there's a love note awaiting my honey when he leaves for work (along with several packs of sugarless gum. He's not a chocolate guy. And that, my friends, is is why our relationship works so well.)

 

And last, but most certainly not least, I've got a little Valentine's treat just for me:

Because a little chocolate and wine just might help improve this year's karaoke performance. You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips...

Enjoy your Valentine's Day, lovelies!

Well, Hello Lovah.

Just in time for Valentine's Day, I'm welcoming a brand new love into my life...in the form of a beautiful iPhone. Yes, I'm aware that I am late to the whole iPhone party, but I'm celebrating like a love-crazed fool anyway, lateness be damned. I've been a fan of all things Macintosh since second grade when I played Snooper Troopers on an Apple IIe and fell in love with the little rainbow logo. So it's been an interminable wait for my wireless contract to expire allowing me to trade in my old Blackberry for a new shiny iPhone without having to pay the $850 fee. Because $850 buys a lot of shoes, people. And a girl's gotta have her priorities.

On the day my contract was up, I marched into the Verizon store and made this little baby mine:

(and the heavens may have opened up and choirs of angels may have sang.)

Now there was nothing wrong with my reliable old Blackberry, mind you. It made calls, relayed my emails, had an impressive battery life, and entertained my kids with BrickBreaker and Word Mole. But its measley 3mp camera took horrible photos. With no flash. And the small display and antiquated keyboard were lacking in the sleek and flashy department. Yes, it was functional, but I wanted more.  And I may have just inadvertently explained why men leave their wives for younger, sexier girls. Hmmm...

At any rate, the new phone and I are getting along smashingly. It's hard to name just one of my favorite features, because I'm enamored with the voice control system to dictate emails, texts and tweets (typing is so 2011!) and the camera quality is stellar (hello Project Life photos!). And I love the "speech bubble" message format with that undeniable Apple design flair:

My first text on the 4S, send from the bathroom at a local restaurant. Oh, quit acting like you don't text while peeing.

I'm also thoroughly enralled with Siri, who I'm enjoying having around for coffee talk in the morning. The conversation is always a bit one-sided, but I'm hoping once she knows me better, she'll come out of her shell:

And while she'll gladly inform me of upcoming appointments, send emails, or answer questions about the meaning of life, my kids prefer to test her knowledge of gastric functions:

It always comes back to the fart jokes, doesn't it?

So today I'm shopping for new covers to keep this baby safe and cozy...and maybe I need to get her some chocolate and wine for Valentine's Day, too.

What's up in your world?

 

 

 

A Post About Housekeeping. Or Wine. Or Something.

I've received a few emails and comments asking me to share more details about the chore charts I mentioned a few weeks back, and while I question you all soliciting housekeeping advice from me, the Unequivocal Queen of Dust Bunnies, I will happily share what (little) I know about domestic duties.

The first thing you should know (and one of the main tenets of my method of housekeeping) is that if you have kids, you can make them do some of your chores. I know - cool huh?!!  As long as you tell everyone that it's "helping teach them responsibility" and "building character" it's totally acceptable. (It is not, however, acceptable to insist they become practiced somelliers and be proficient in the art of selecting, pairing and uncorking wines for your nightly meals. That, apparently, is frowned upon by CPS. Hmph.)

Anyway, around here, the kiddos pitch in.  Each of them has a certain number of chores (which, not so coincidentally, coincides with their ages) that they have to do on a daily and weekly basis. That reminds me...Hayden is 11 now!  He totally owes me a chore!  Hmmmm....

And because I'm a graphic artist and am all about the visual presentation, I've printed up these lovely checklists for them to keep track of their duties:

I can't take credit for the cute design - I downloaded the template from Gennifer's blog and customized the lists for each kiddo. But they're neat! And colorful! And contain cool retro fonts! I layer a tranparency over the list and we use dry-erase markers to check off the chores, so it can be wiped clean and re-used each week.

So yeah. Each kid has their list of chores, as well as a few optional chores that they can do to earn money over-and-above their usual allowance. Yes, I do pay them a weekly allowance (again, equal to their ages) and they use that money to purchase apps for the iPad, songs for their iPods, candy, gum, Slurpees, cigarettes (just making sure you're paying attention!) and other items I refuse to buy. They are also encouraged to save it for bigger purchases and I can avoid the infamous Toy Aisle Arguments at Target by reminding them of this concept. They are also required to donate a portion of their allowance to charity each month. And while I tried to convince them that Mommy's Wine Fund is an excellent cause, they both have opted to support the Humane Society instead.

And even though I've pawned off a few of my household chores on the young 'uns, there's still a whole lot of tasks required to keep our house from becoming featured on Hoarders. To determine these tasks, I did a walk-through on each room of the house and wrote down everything requiring regular attention. I included laundry as well, but only because my previous method of Ignore It And Eventually It Will Go Away has proven to be unsuccessful.

Once I had this Master List of Chores, (which you should totally capitalize and bold, because then it looks all official-like) I decided which ones had to be done weekly and which ones could be done every other week. And some of them (like dusting the formal dining room that we use twice a year) got deleted all together. Don't judge.

Then I made two chore lists.  Each one contains the all the weekly chores. The every-other-week chores got split up evenly between the two weeks, resulting in my final lists:

Once again...a neat, orderly list in pretty, pretty colors. Wheeee! 

Each week I alternate between the aqua and the green list, which each contain 34 tasks.  If I do approximately 6 tasks each day (which usually takes about an hour, give or take), it keeps the house perpetually clean. And I can avoid the freak-out-melt-down-say-lots-of-bad-words when unexpected guests show up and my house hasn't seen a vacuum or toilet brush in, um, 34 days? (I think I already told you - don't judge.)

So there you have it.  How to keep your house clean with six chores a day.  And if you happen to skip a day and get a bit off track, you can always employ my back-up method of housekeeping:  Drink a glass of wine and fuhgeddaboudit.

A Whole New January.

Historically, the month of January and I are not good friends.  Usually by the time the Christmas decor has been packed away and the New Year's resolutions kick in, I settle into a seasonal funk in which I mope, complain and generally become an absolute jerk to live with. I'm never sure if it's the post-holiday let down, or the fact that spring seems like an eternity away, but something about January makes me want to curl up in ball and hibernate for six weeks. Or drink heavily. Neither of which make for a very productive Lisa.  So this year I'm facing the month head-on with a plan of action in hopes that January and I can forget our past and forge ahead in a productive relationship.  I'm hoping January agrees with me.  And if not? Well, I fully plan on kicking it's ass anyway.

And - side note - apparently (notice my new blog banner?) it's also one of my resolutions to make more frequent use of the word ass.  You have been warned.

So first on the plan is to keep myself creatively occupied with some non-scrappy projects (though design team work and Project Life will have ample time alloted, natch).  I've been collecting loads of ideas for various projects around the house via Pinterest and now's the time to implement some of them. And if any are moderately successful, I just might share them here on the blog.  Like the new wreath I made for the front door with cardstock, a chipboard letter, and about 5000 sticks of hot glue:

Also on my agenda is a return to a healthier diet. Like everyone else, I wined and dine (and desserted!) my way through the holidays and the scale has the the numbers to prove it. It's time to focus on fruits, veggies, and whole grains instead of truffles, wine and whole birthday cakes. Luckily, Mike is on board with this plan too because eating healthy alone is a lonely, lonely game where you do not pass go and you cannot collect Chick-Fil-A waffle fries. So this month we're relying heavily on the menu plan from Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30 and our Mile High Organics produce delivery to serve up some tasty and balanced meals.

Jillian's BBQ Chicken & Black Bean Tacos

Of course, last night I dreamed about a giant plate of white cheddar mashed potatoes and a tall frosty mug of beer, so I'm not sure my subconscious is on board with the whole healthy-eating routine just yet.

I don't think I've yet mentioned that in a grandiose gesture sure to win him Husband of the Year, Mike presented me with an amazing 40th birthday gift:  a trip to the Bahamas for spring break!  It's a destination I've always wanted to visit, and in just a few months,that tropical dream will finally come true.  The thought of getting into bikini shape by then has got me pretty motivated, so I'm mixing up Jillian tapes with a half-marathon training plan while Mike (being the consummate bad-ass that he is) is doing P90X.  I considered doing it with him (for about 30 seconds) but then I heard pull-ups were involved and said hell.to.the.no. (Just like ASCPA commercials, pull-ups make me cry.)

Annnddddd...to wrap up my attack on January, I've also implemented a new chore system for both me and the kids that will hopefully (fingers crossed!) keep this place we live in some semblance of order. The kids have weekly chores to complete and have the option of doing extra chores for hard cold cash if they are so motivated. (Please do not tell them that 75¢ for cleaning a toilet is not a fair price. I'm trying to save for Bahamas' souvenirs here, people!)

I've also made myself a weekly chore list and hope that by completing 6 or 7 chores each day (about an hour, give or take), I'll stay on top of the PetHairDustBunnyFoodCrumbsDirtyLaundryBeast that likes to rear it's ugly head around here. And while I won't be earning an allowance like the kids, I will be rewarding myself with a glass of wine at the end of the week if my chores are checked off. 

Because you didn't really think I'd be facing this January without wine, did you??

 

Because Comedic Genius is Plainly Hereditary.

It's become apparent that Santa has a similar sense of humor as our family, because obviously knew how much fun we'd have with Flarp Noise Putty.  And when your stockings contain this versatile (and surprisingly realistic!) flatulence-in-a-can, you can bet hilarity will ensue!

Case in point:

So while the bean tacos may not have agreed with Riely, the hours of fart jokes related since Christmas morning certainly have. I have no idea where she gets her demented sense of humor.

No idea.

{P.S. The giveaway below is still open!}

40 on 40.

Well today's the big day...the day I officially turn 40. And in honor of that, I'd thought I share a random list of 40 facts about me.  And while these will probably do nothing to enrich your existence, and will inevitably follow no particular theme, I've found that the older you get, the more people are willing to overlook your tendencies to ramble on about seemingly inconsequential and trivial things.  So here goes!

Photo Credit

1.  Forty sure feels a lot like 39.  Except that I haven't showered yet today, so actually I guess it feels a bit more stinky and disheveled.

2. The reason there's a photo of a birthday cake on this post, instead of a photo of me at 40? See item #1.

3.  I'm determined that my 40s will be a decade of healthy living, eating, and exercise. I've kicked off that plan this morning with a breakfast of, um.....birthday cake and an eggnog latte. Maybe we'll start that plan tomorrow.

4.  I just happen to love eggnog  lattes.

5.  And birthday cake is pretty great, too.

6.  It's a damn good thing I like to run.

7.  Alright, I don't really like to run. But I've found that it's easier to drag my butt out the door and hit the pavement for an hour than give up eggnog lattes.  And birthday cake.

8.  Speaking of running,  I've registered to run my second marathon this year. I'm motivated by the fact that I'll now be the youngest in my age bracket, and I fully plan on kicking some random 47-year-old's butt. Aim high.

9.  Turning 40 has done nothing to mature my sense of humor.  I still giggle at fart jokes and think Will Ferrell is a comedic genius.

10. I couldn't even make it to item #10 before I mentioned farts.

11.  And since we're talking about juvenile humor, my current ring tone is Cartman from South Park singing Kyle's Mom's A Bitch. Which makes me laugh everytime my phone rings.

Southpark - Kyles Moms A Bitch (South Park Movie Version)

12. I am hoping that now that I am 40, I will be able to master the difficult task of pulling car keys out of my purse without simultaneously pulling out a tampon and flinging it across the room.

 

13. I'm too superstitious to list anything for item #13.

14. Most of the time, I feel very, very lucky.

15. My favorite Christmas carols are the ones sung by the Muppets.

16.  As a 22-year old, I thought my life had everything I could ever need. It's only now that I can see how much richer and better it has become with age.

17.  Also better with age?  A 2007 Cabernet I plan to crack open tonight.

18.  Have I mentioned I love red wine?

19.  And when drinking red wine, I will be quite likely be the clumsy girl who spills it on her dry-clean only shirt, your light-colored carpet, or the crisp white tablecloth.  Or possibly all three.

20.  Oh crap.  I'm only halfway through this list. Who's idea was this again?

21.  They say that memory loss is the first sign of old age.

22.  Have I mentioned I love red wine?

23. Back in 2008 when I started this blog, it was mainly a forum for my sarcastic commentary (and fart jokes, natch!) I never imagined it would it would bring so many talented, amazing friends into my life.

24. What were talking about again?  Fart jokes? Red wine?

25.  Despite reaching the age of 40, I am unable to use a hot glue gun without (1) burning my fingers and (2) dropping the f-bomb.

26. To be honest, sometimes I just pull out the hot glue gun when I feel the need to curse.

27. Despite being 5'9" and having a natural proclivity towards clumsiness (see item 19), I still insist on wearing impractically high heels every chance I get.  Because if you're gonna fall on your ass, you might as well have fashionably dressed feet.

28. Once of the very best decisions of my life was to marry Mike. He has spent the last 14 years making me insanely happy I did.

29.  Some days I don't feel a day over 24. And then 8:30 pm rolls around, I'm ready for bed and I realize I am the lamest 24 year-old ever.

30.  I hate mayonnaise.  Blech.

31. I often use sarcasm to mask my insecurities. And to insult idiots without them realizing it.

32.  I am in better shape physically than I was 20 years ago. This is due in large part to my running, Jillian Michaels, and the realization that the calories in bean and cheese tacos (even when consumed at 2:00 am) actually DO count.

33.  Begin able to work in a creative field is something I feel so, so grateful for each and every day. 

34. Except maybe those days when a client insists on using Comic Sans or throws out "Make my logo bigger!" caveat. Those days kinda suck.

35. Luckily on those days, I have this blog on which to complain and vent. And you, marvelous readers, (with your fabulous design sensibilities) make me feel better. Yay for internet!

36. I find that when I'm feeling old, it helps to spend quality time with my kids. They often inspire me to see things with a younger, fresher outlook.  And they like fart jokes, too.

37.  Snow is predicted for this afternoon. Which would be a fabulous birthday surprise for a girl dreaming of a White Christmas.

38.  I've never minded having a birthday so close to the holidays. It's a festive time, most people are in good spirits, and there's an abundance of treats, parties, and libations.  And by libations, I mean red wine.

39.  I'm eternally grateful to my family for their support and love during my past 39 years. I couldn't have gotten this far without them.

40.  Whew! I made it!  Shall we lift a glass and toast 40? (Yes, I know it's only 9:00 am, but it's a milestone birthday, for cryin' out loud!) Thanks for being a part of my life....cheers!